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Wait... I don't want GOOD THINGS???

A friend of mine posted this... and I immediately felt my body's energy shift. I felt emotions rise.

I sat with it for a min. Read it again. Same reaction. Read it again. Tears were in my eyes. WTF?!

After a few moments of breathing and introspection I realized, that I AM shocked at how good life has been lately. There is a part of me that feels so unstable (my nervous system, not my mental health) that I'm constantly waiting on the other shoe to drop. It doesn't feel safe to trust the good. It doesn't feel like good is here to stay or good is "for" me. WOW - let's unpack that thought.

If I don't feel like good is "for" me, then how in the world can the Universe send all the good that I'm asking for. In one breath, I say "Gimme the good!" but then when the good shows up I'm TERRIFIED that it's not real or that I'm not "deserving" of it or that it's not here to stay."I better not get used to it because it won't be this way long" or "Is this good REAL? I better keep my distance and be cautious so that I won't be too hurt when it goes away" I see other people's good and feel like that's for them, but not me. WHEW - the mind is really running away with these thoughts.

It's always amazing to me that when we're intentional we can WITNESS the mind. I just sit and listen to her swirl all these thoughts. Soooo if I am "watching" the mind, who is controlling the mind and who am I? (the observer) - LOL this is a whole other topic for another post!

I'm so grateful that in this moment, my spiritual tools kicked in. I became the gentle observer of these tiny mad ideas that were swirling into a full on emotional moment. I recognized that my EGO was present and loud in this moment. My ego's job is to keep me safe. Thank you ego for recognizing that we have had a lot of bad in the past It was scary and hard and sad and painful. Of course we don't want to go back there. Of course we don't want to feel that again. Of course you would be cautious. Thank you emotions (energy in motion) for showing me the lesson and making me aware that there is healing to do in this space. Thank you self for recognizing all of this and taking a moment to pause and reflect so that we could come back to the TRUTH.

The TRUTH - I am not that special. LMAO! It's impossible that everyone else in the world is deserving of God's love except me. So yeah, if other people are experiencing good, it's a reminder that good is available and I can have it too!

The TRUTH - Feeling good = Feeling God. The good is what we are SUPPOSED to feel. It feels good because that's home. The emotions we have are our guidance system to make us aware that we are NOT home. The sad/mad/angry/etc emotions are sirens that say "HEY! PAY ATTENTION TO WHAT YOU ARE THINKING/FEELING/SEEING/DOING! THIS DOES NOT FEEL GOOD! THIS IS NOT HOME!" Emotions are supposed to remind us to come back to the TRUTH! The truth feels good.

The TRUTH - the more I embrace good, the more I can allow. I've been allowing in more good than ever lately. I've had moments that are REALLY REALLY REALLY good. And then my mind goes to work about all that good. And my energy goes down, I get stuck in my head, I don't trust my intuition, and the good gets a little choppy. Up and down like a roller coaster we go.... because at the root, there is a part of me that worries or is unsure if I CAN have that good or if I deserve the good. (hello EGO and back to Truth #1)

The TRUTH - I can forgive myself in this moment for these thoughts. I get frustrated with the roller coaster. I get frustrated that I want good, but that I'm scared of it/don't trust it/don't feel worthy of it. But I can forgive myself and choose again. I can forgive myself and recognize the lesson. I can forgive myself and be aware. I can forgive myself and do the work. I can forgive myself over and over again... and each time, it gets better, it gets easier. Christina, I forgive you.

The TRUTH - I desire good. I desire all the things that I desire. AND THAT'S OK! Those desires wouldn't be there if it wasn't possible. I am HIGHLY supported (we all are). I am God's favorite (we all are). It's all possible. It's all happening. I am deciding that I desire the good. I am declaring that I deserve the good. I am declaring that I AM good, so OF COURSE, good comes to me. If I AM made of goodness, then I give and receive goodness - that's WHY it's showing up. I've been allowing my good to shine, so more of it comes! It's all here. It's all happening. It's all possible.

Whew... breathe here.

Don't be shocked when life starts to get good. You deserve that.

Now, the ego is a little less loud. I can hear the other voice that says, "DAMN RIGHT YOU DO!" and the smile that comes across my face when I think about the good... and the little bit of cockiness I feel when I say "You know what, I do deserve it! I've earned this smile!"

(even though earning it was never required - we'll talk about that later)

It feels GOOD to look forward to the good.

It feels GOOD to feel the good.

It feels GOOD to appreciate the good.

It feels GOOD to bask in the good.

While also knowing with my higher self in control that the other stuff will also come. It's part of the journey. Without the other stuff, we wouldn't know HOW GOOD the good feels. It creates gratitude. It creates memories. It builds your spiritual muscles. It illuminates your soul. We get to feel the good. We get to feel it ALL. There are no shortcuts to move through only MOVING THROUGH.

Don't be shocked when life starts to get good. You deserve that.

A little less emotion this time... more work to do... more awareness... more forgiveness... back to step 1 and the truth. Breathe it in. You're doing amazing, Christina. This is great work. This was a great moment. I'm proud of you. That feels good! The good is here. Right here. It's you.

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